Franz Hinderwootzen: Lady-Killer Sausage Maker
Try as they might, ladies just can’t keep their hands off Austrian sausage maker Franz Hinderwootzen.
The Fruitcake Brigade: Mavericks, Misfits, Nerds & Turds
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Franz Hinderwootzen: Lady-Killer Sausage Maker
Try as they might, ladies just can’t keep their hands off Austrian sausage maker Franz Hinderwootzen.
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Silas Jasper: Rhodes Scholar Exterminator
Silas Jasper prefers to kill insects by combining jiu-jitsu submission holds with high-pitched carnal screams of passion.
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Solomon Schmuckles: Superstar Taxidermist
Ace taxidermist Solomon Schmuckles is considered a living legend in the close-knit community of professional animal-stuffers.
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Silver-Tongued Tom
Silver-Tongued Tom has never been able to shake his lifelong habit of licking shiny objects.
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Dirk Capone: Cranberry King
Cranberry titan Dirk Capone is perhaps more well-known for his head-turning, voluptuous wife.
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Pepe De La Soto: Shapeshifter Grifter
Pepe was last spotted in Guam, masquerading as a brilliant Chinese physicist.
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Chester Magee: Toddler Trainer
Chester Magee owns and operates Buff Babies, Inc., a results-driven health club for overweight infants.
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Deep Down in the Dumps Don
Don suffers from chronic unemployment, brittle bones and an embarrassing high-pitched girly voice.
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Limp-Eyed Clyde
Despite his various maladies, Clyde is a warm, tender soul with beautiful green eyes and very, very strong calves.
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Percy the One-Eyed Runt
Percy the One-Eyed Runt is a foul-smelling, exotic-looking creature who awoke one summer morning to find a small shrub budding atop his noggin.
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Aleksandr Q. Thunderbolt: Ukrainian Rockstar
Aleksandr Q. Thunderbolt is one half of “Ice Cream for Breakfast,” the most popular brother-sister musical act in all of Ukraine.
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Willoughby B. Shabazz
Before military school transformed him into a model citizen, Detective Willoughby B. Shabazz grew up slingin’…
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Sebastian Q. Carlisle IV
Black Eyed Peas super-fan Sebastian Carlisle is worth well over twelve billion dollars, much of which he’s spent following the Peas on tour in his 538-foot yacht, The Fergie.
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Elmo Terence Leibowitz
An odd-looking boy from the start, Elmo spent the majority of his awkward youth sitting alone in abandoned fields, eating grass, leaves and tree frogs by the handful.
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Well-Dressed Alien
When Vin invades a foreign land, he always does it in style.
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The Impeccably Dressed Wentworth B. Jenkins
Wentworth B. Jenkins plays the flute in a New Orleans-based boogie-woogie jazz band.
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Javier: Vampire Chihuahua
Meet Javier. He is a vampire. And a chihuahua. This is his most recent yearbook picture.
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Antler Boy
Antler Boy does his best to avoid densely-wooded areas where hunters often mistake him for deer, elk, moose or caribou.
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Afrocano
Although few folks have actually witnessed this geological marvel, those who did…
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Slobber Goblin
The Slobber Goblin suffers from extreme Uncontrollable Drool Syndrome, a hilarious condition that has plagued his out-of-control saliva since birth.
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Traffic Cone Tracy
Tracy suffers from TrafficConeitis, a little known disorder in which the afflicted party is born with miniature traffic cones attached to his or her skull.
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Spiral-Eyed She-Devil
The Spiral-Eyed She-Devil preys on helpless men in order to get exactly what she wants in life.
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Glum Gremlin
Glum Gremlin’s permanent scowl can be traced back to the day a rogue pygmy-owl bit off his entire penis end to end.
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Atticus Ginger: Beaver Trainer Extraordinaire
Atticus once trained a baby beaver to rob an armored bank car of 6,000 rare Indonesian coins—without even using a weapon.
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Red Goldblood
Red Goldblood is a no frills tough guy with a soft spot for the Long John Silver’s Alaskan Pollock & Chicken Strip Combo meal.
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Drooling Dogman
Humans know little about the mysterious Drooling Dogman, an exotic species first spotted in 2004 by a Scandinavian cabbage farmer and his zaftig mistress.
