nametheGarels.com

In an effort to cut down our overflowing inbox, we’ve answered the most commonly asked questions below:

So what’s FAQ mean?

Frequently Asked Questions. It’s an acronym, just like “AIDS” or “Finland.”

What is your mission?

Missions are for Mormons, and we’re not Mormon. We’re just poor, mon.

What products do you sell?

Though we anticipate a day in the not-so-distant future where the streets run rampant with wide-eyed tots merrily sporting Garel merchandise galore, this dream of ours is currently a work in progress. In the meantime, please direct any questions or concerns towards our oh-so-capable customer service team.

I don’t follow… this site is designed to make money how?

By way of our intricate yet hopefully lucrative Ponzimid operation—half Ponzi, half pyramid scheme. It sounds crazy enough that it just might work.

You’re full-fledged virgins, aren’t you?

Would you mind clarifying “full-fledged?” We just want to know so we can provide you with the most-accurate answer possible.

How do I casually (but effectively) use the word Garel in conversation with friends or family?

The only friends or family we’ve ever had are inmates, but take a stab at the following: “Yesterday morn’ on intrastate trash duty I done spot six absolutely darlin’ cute Garels creepin’ through the forest, then up ‘cross the stream, then down on through the valley, then right on up the branch of a eucalyptus tree, where they finally settled for a quick cat nap. Slap me happy, but they were lookin’ more precious than a steam-fried batch of twelve-dollar clams!”

Does my daddy love me?

Yes, he’s just been really, really busy lately.